Recipe: Jacqueline’s Rice-A-Roni

Rice A Roni Special

Jacqueline’s Rice-A-Roni

Jacqueline, the granddaughter-in-law of the originator of Rice-A-Roni, makes this rendition for family gatherings. She starts with rice and vermicelli, but I wanted to try it with the actual product. Serves 4.

Ingredient:
1 package Rice-A-Roni, chicken flavor
1/4 c chopped onion
1/2 c sliced mushrooms (she uses canned)
1 T pine nuts
2 T butter
2 c water*

Method: sauté onions and mushrooms (if fresh) in butter in a wide bottom saucepan or a skillet with a lid. (If you use canned mushrooms you can just add them at the end along with the liquid.) When they are tender, use a spoon to move them aside and add pine nuts. Toast a minute or two till they become aromatic. Add Rice-A-Roni dry mix and sauté until lightly browned, 5 minutes or so. Add the spice packet from the Rice-A-Roni and 2 c water. Bring to the boil, cover and turn down the heat to low. Simmer about 20 minutes or until the water is completely absorbed. Serve warm.

*The package calls for 2 1/2 c water but this is too much and the pilaf will be too soft. Start with 2 c and add more toward the end if you feel like you need it.

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Foraging Q&A with Chef Rob Handel

Rob Handel

Chef Rob Handel in a leafy setting

Rob Handel grew up helping his grandmother in the kitchen at The Blackthorne, a resort the family owned in the Catskills. She was a back-to-the-earth child of the ’60s who taught him the joys of fresh ingredients, including foraging, at a very early age. When she passed away he became the head chef, serving 100-150 guests per day at breakfast and dinner. Their tastes were very limited, however; a special of ratatouille flavored with garden herbs came back uneaten. Rob went away to study biology in college but soon realized his true love was cooking. He was chef at Heather Ridge Farms for three years becoming chef at Fin Your Fishmonger, where I tried his foraged dishes at a Sunday Supper. He also teaches cooking and leads occasional foraging walks.

BMF: I feel like I should be foraging, but my results have been terrible. For instance, I gathered some swamp cabbage on a backpacking trip and cooked it for hours and it was tough and inedible. How can the average person approach foraging and have a good time doing it?

RH: In general foraged plants have a stronger taste than domesticated plants. They have to fight it out in the wild, which concentrates the nutrients and flavor. I advise people to use foraged ingredients as a component, rather than a whole meal.

For example, garlic mustard is familiar to many people because it’s invasive. It has a nice garlic flavor but is too bitter for most tastes. So mix a bit of that with a milder herb in a chimichurri or gremolata.

Another issue is texture. Spruce tips, the fresh growth at the end of a spruce branch, have a great citrusy flavor but the texture is not appealing. They’re dry and grassy, not the kind of thing you chop up and add to a salad. So translate the taste to another medium and leave the texture behind. Lots of small breweries are now using evergreen tips instead of hops, for example. You can bury spruce tips in sugar to infuse it with flavor. Or use them to make a flavored vinegar. From that you can make a mayo, mustard or salad dressing. I also do a fermented brew with citrus tips. It has a nice beery flavor when used for soup base or gravy.

BMF: What do you look for in a plant that might be edible? How can I forage without risk of killing myself?

RH: Unfortunately, there are no hard rules about which plants might be edible or not. Folklore says if a mushroom turns black you shouldn’t eat it, but that’s not true. Some plants look poisonous and aren’t; others look benign and aren’t.

The good thing is that most wild plants in beginner books don’t have a toxic lookalike. That’s on purpose. Flip through the book and find something you recognize, dandelion for example. Then delve into each plant individually. Square stem plants are usually relatives of mint and can be used in a similar way in cooking. Most wild things that smell like onion and garlic are edible, like wild chives or onion grass. Pull them out of the ground and see if there’s an instant garlic smell. Wild leeks look similar to lily of the valley, a toxic plant, but the lily doesn’t have a garlic smell.

One of the easiest things to do as a forager is to seek out plants with unique features. Staghorn sumac has distinctive leaves, and cones which are the seeds used in middle eastern cooking. You can identify them by the cones in winter, and a velvety bark like young stag horns. Or wild mustard, brassica. People know it has little yellow flowers so they think any plant with little yellow flowers must be edible. But don’t just pick any yellow flower. Wild mustard has five points on the flowers, look for that.

Facebook has a number of plant identification groups. If you have a question, post a blind picture and ask what readers think it is. If everybody says common dock, then it probably is. You can also take samples to your local Cornell Extension [in New York State]. Take the time to be sure, don’t be flippant. Chanterelles, for example, are well known for their orange hue. But there are also orange mushrooms which are poisonous.

BMF: I used to gather milkweed at the edge of my neighborhood soccer pitch, until the maintenance crew got rid of it. How do you find a good foraging spot?

RH: Most people think of foraging in secluded places, like the woods. But deeply shaded woods actually don’t have enough light for most plants. The edge of a lawn is a great place for wild edibles, if you don’t spray or mow it. So foraging is as easy as walking in your yard. Identify four or five plants you want to eat, and then harvest them at the right time in their growing cycle.

Other than that, your proficiency will grow as you recognize plant habitats. I used to be thrilled when I’d find ramps; now I’ll be driving down the road and I’ll see a spot that looks like it has ramps and I will stop and yep, there they are. Mushrooms show up in the same spots every year, so you find out where those spots are and pick morels or chanterelles when they appear. That’s how professional foragers do it.

BMF: Okay, I’m game. I’ll give foraging another shot. How do I get started?

RH: Keep an eye out for foraging walks by experts in your area, so you’ll learn about wild edible plants that are available locally. I’ve done walks with the Catskill Center where we’ll identify maybe 20 edible plants. The idea isn’t to memorize all of them, but to show you the range that’s available.

There are also a number of excellent books. My personal favorite is Pascal Baudar’s The New Wildcrafted Cuisine,  though that’s about west coast foraging. I like the way he thinks, which is to look for similarities to domestic plants and then incorporate them in cooking. [From the Amazon.com description: “he uses various barks to make smoked vinegars, and combines ants, plants, and insect sugar to brew primitive beers. Stems of aromatic plants are used to make skewers. Selected rocks become grinding stones, griddles, or plates. Even fallen leaves and other natural materials from the forest floor can be utilized to impart a truly local flavor to meats and vegetables, one that captures and expresses the essence of season and place.”]

I learned a lot by taking some classes from John Kallas, who has at least one book. [It’s Edible Wild Plants: Wild Foods From Dirt To Plate, available from Amazon in a Kindle as well as hardcover edition. I bought the Kindle because it’s easy to take into the field, on an iPad so I can see the pictures in color for plant indentification.] He talks about “what is the essence of the plant?” He’ll divide wild edible plants into three or four categories. One is plants that re very mild in taste, another more bitter and so on.

Most libraries will have one or more books on foraging. There’s also free information available online. And it doesn’t cost anything to just go outside and look.

Here are a few additional book titles Rob sent me after we talked. Links are to Amazon.com. Or just look for them in your library.

Foraging and Feasting– Dina Falconi
Northeast Foraging– Leda Meredith
The Joy of Foraging– Gary Lincoff
Ugly Little Greens– Mia Wasilavich

And here are some Facebook groups for plant identification. Typing the name in the search box should bring up the group:

Wild Edibles of The Catskills and Hudson Valley
Foragers Unite!
Hunt Gather Cook
Foraging For Everyone
Foraging and Wild Edibles of The Northeastern US

Posted in Eating, Food Heroes | 1 Comment

My Royal Feast

On a recent visit to the Bay Area I enjoyed as good a meal of its type as I’m ever likely to experience. My Chowhound friend Melanie Wong has been tracking Chef Zhongyi Liu, a Beijing-trained chef who once represented China in the Bocuse D’Or. He was chef at the legendary China Village in Albany, moved to Fresno after that place burned down, and is now back at Royal Feast in Millbrae.

Chef Liu at Work

Chief Liu at work (vidcap from a screen in the dining room)

This was the latest of several many-course feasts commissioned by Melanie in which the kitchen is invited to explore its creativity with dishes that are not on the regular menu. The only requirement was that it top out at $40 pp (later bumped to $45) including tax and tip. This precluded outrageous ingredients like gold leaf and abalone, but it was still pretty luxurious as we shall see.

Royal Feast appetizers

Here are the six cold appetizers in my dish, going from left to right in front row: Pork Feet Jelly, Sister’s Rabbit Dice, Chicken with Chili. In back: Okra with Sesame Paste, Beef Tendon, Favorite Eggplant.

Royal Feast has made quite an investment in serving vessels so each guest gets their own portion instead of sharing on a lazy susan. This unorthodox touch proved highly convenient and was much appreciated.

Pork Feet Jelly

The kitchen has quite a way with offal, and I enjoyed the Pork Feet Jelly most among these tastes. However, the jelly had a very mild flavor. It could have used some star anise and other aromatics.

 

Egg White Soup

Next up was one of my two favorite dishes of the meal: Seafood and Egg White with Vegetable Soup. Chef Liu had steamed egg whites in the serving cups and then added the other ingredients. When you stirred the soup the egg white broke apart, creating delicate threads. The bright red thing is a goji berry–an unexpected but welcome jolt of acid.

Ocean Clam Fish Maw

My other favorite dish was next, Ocean Clam with Fish Maw in a chicken and pork stock that had been reduced to the consistency of zabaglione. The big, juicy clams were the most luxurious and expensive component of the meal, and the fish maw was like a sponge but with a more interesting texture, sopping up the amazing broth and dispensing a little of it with each chew.

A native-speaker guest described the above dish as “very Tanjia” meaning in the aristocratic style of the Tan Hotel where Chef Liu trained. According to this history “Tanjia cuisine is famous for its two principles: First, only the finest ingredients may be used and cooked carefully to retain the flavor; secondly, the taste should reflect the essence of Tanjia cuisine. The dishes taste soft and original, with light, fresh seasonings, not too sweet nor too salty.”

Kung Pao Shrimp with Chicken

The next dish was a bit of a letdown. Kung Pao is a standard Szechuan prep including peanuts, and this rendition included both shrimp and chicken. But it was nothing special and some guests found the proteins overcooked.

Crab Meat with Asparagus

Nothing wrong with the dish that followed: fat spears of asparagus were perfectly cooked and topped with crab meat and a light seafood gravy. It was the refreshing touch we needed at this point in the meal.

Lamb with Dates

Lamb with Dates was a claypot dish, served in a miniature pot for each guest. The kitchen does good things with lamb, and the Cumin Lamb on the regular menu is not to be missed. This rendition was tender but I didn’t discern any date flavor or texture in my bowl.

Beijing Duck Two Ways

Next came a dish that probably doesn’t get served too often, which the kitchen calls Beijing Duck Two Ways. The portion on the right consisted of some strands of meat wrapped in a pancake, while the one on the left is almost a duck salad, heavy on sweet mayo, in a spongy fried wrapping. Seems this was a favorite of a distinguished diner at the Fresno restaurant, and Melanie ordered it in tribute to him. I’m glad I had it, but won’t need it again.

 

Sea Bass with Noodles

Sea Bass braised in a brown sauce was served over noodles for our final dish before dessert. I wasn’t crazy about this dish, partly because there were bones to pick out. And I was way too full at this point to eat noodles.

 

Caramelized Fried Banana

Finally, it was time for dessert. I muffed my photo of the croquembouche-style stack of banana balls that was brought to the table and then dismantled with a ball for each diner. The bananas were mixed with a batter, fried and coated with spun sugar. It was sweet but not too sweet, a light touch to complete our meal.

A personal observation in summing up: this was the most pedigreed of half a dozen Cantonese and Szechuan banquets I’ve enjoyed, and I have noticed that the dishes are often not as exciting to me as regular menu items at the same restaurant. I think there is a desire to show off the kitchen’s artistry against a simple backdrop of ingredients, and to tone down the spices so everybody will be happy. Still, it was an unforgettable experience and I’m very glad I was there to enjoy it.

Pork Ears

This selection from the regular menu, Cold Pork Ears, is still my favorite dish at Royal Feast and it gives any of these banquet dishes a run for its money both in flavor and appearance. Be sure to order it if you dine here.

Royal Feast is at 148 El Camino Real in Millbrae, CA 94030. It’s easy to visit on a layover at SFO and just a few minutes from the airport by BART or Lyft. They do get packed at peak times, so call first: (650) 692-3388. And yes, they’ll pack up a meal for you to take on the plane.

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Our favorite rotten foods

Rotten Tomato

Too soft for salad, just fine for sauce

The other night I cooked up a tragic, inedible version of Gluten-Free Paleo Eggplant Parmigiana. I returned from a trip and discovered some eggplants that were clearly past their prime. They smelled okay, but the flesh was grey and had a wet, rubbery texture in many spots. Used them anyway. The slices would not give up their moisture, no matter how much salting and frying I applied. Used them anyway. The resultant eggplant parm was like eating a fishing boot.

Over ripe avocados are another item that isn’t worth salvaging. Once the fruits go from soft to wrinkled, the flesh inside turns brown and wooden. Serve your guests a guacamole made with these avocados and they will spit it out. And red lettuce! Have you noticed that the bits of red lettuce in a mesclun mix go bad before everything else? I used to hand-pick them out but have recently decided it’s not worth the bother. If you advertise a spring mix without red lettuce, I will pay a premium for it.

Red bell peppers, on the other hand, are perfectly usable for roasting after they become wrinkled and even develop a spot of mold or two. Cut out the bad parts and roast as usual and they will be fine. And what of squishy tomatoes or flaccid carrots and celery? Excise any moldy bits and parts that have turned to mush and make sauces or stocks with the rest. Also, even the limpest head of celery has a treat lurking at the base. Slice off the bottom then slice again one inch or so up the salt, and you have a crunchy, healthy snack.

Onions tend to age unevenly inside. One layer will turn yellow and stink, but the layers above and below it are fine. Take it apart, then wash and use the good layers as an ingredient. Dried up garlic has an unappetizing texture, but can be heated slowly in oil to flavor it, then discarded.

Even after lemons, limes, oranges and other citrus fruit have turned soft and maybe developed a spot of mold, the juice inside is still viable. Squeeze it out and refrigerate and it will be usable for several more days.

Cabbage will keep for months in the refrigerator; I stock up when it’s on sale around St. Patrick’s Day then eat through my supply as a base for recipes like Vincent’s Garlic Cole Slaw. Simply peel off the outer layers till you get to one that’s fresh and not wilted or discolored.

Bananas are, of course, the queen of spoiled food because they aren’t really good to eat till they start to go bad. I like to take them to the very brink and then make Leftover Banana Bread, which also utilizes that extra can of Eagle Brand condensed milk you didn’t put into a pie.

What are your favorite rotten foods? Tips and usage suggestions would be appreciated.

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Food for Thought: Omnivore Books

Omnivore Books

Omnivore Books storefront on Cesar Chavez, near Church St

I’ve pretty much stopped buying new cookbooks in physical form. They’re hard to schlep around, inconvenient to refer to while you’re cooking, and it’s a tragedy when you splash hot grease on your favorite photo. My growing Kindle library is always available, and the visuals still look pretty good if viewed on an iPad. (Opinions expressed are my own. When I got into a discussion on this topic on Facebook, most chefs said they prefer the physical item. But professional chefs tend to be very tactile folks.)

Omnivore Books Purchases

My spoils from today’s visit, including bonus book bag

Used cookbooks (as well as those that are so rare you can’t buy an electronic edition) are a very different story. When I get back to San Francisco I often make my way to Omnivore Books, uphill from the Mission on Cesar Chavez Blvd, to see what treasures may be lurking. Today I was in search of print-only specialty food magazines recently written up in the New York Times and any remaining books from the collection retiring chef Paula Wolfert bequeathed to the food community.

Wolfert’s stash, at this late date, is down to a few obscure Middle Eastern titles. (Realizing the onset of dementia would make it increasingly difficult to cook from her library, she simply let them go. The books appeared at Green Apple as well as here, and each one has her bookplate and, if you’re lucky, a few handwritten notes on the pages.) My magazine search was more successful. I found Dill, a wonderfully approachable collection of articles and ideas about Asian noodles, and Tooth Ache, a pastry chef’s rag which has beautiful photos but techniques that are way beyond my skills.

Omnivore also hosts author events where food writers discuss their ideas and are available for questions and to sign your books. Jacques Pepin, Edward Lee and Nigella Lawson will be in the little store at various events this April… a pretty impressive list, no? If these events are anything like the one I attended for Andrea Nguyen a couple of years ago, a sampling of sample foods from their books just may be available. But in any case there is plenty of good food in the neighborhood.

If you can’t visit Omnivore Books in person, their website is an excellent resource. You can look up current inventory (including author-signed books) and make requests for your wish list. Check it out.

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ISO Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat

Rice A Roni Assortment

Today’s Rice-A-Roni offers a myriad of flavors. Their website suggests you combine them to make your own recipe! Photo by Boereck, reproduced under Creative Commons.

I had disdain for Rice-A-Roni when I lived in San Francisco. How dare they put a cable car on their box and pound our ears with a jingle that called it “the San Francisco Treat”? I equated the packaged mix with Hamburger Helper—artificial, probably not good for you and completely at odds with the healthy vibe of my home town.

Aaron Peskin, a former president of the Board of Supervisors, felt the same way. “I don’t mean to sound like a snob,” he told the San Francisco Chronicle in 2006, “but I don’t make anything out of a box.” But it turns out our contempt was misplaced. Rice-A-Roni is a San Francisco native by way of an immigrant kitchen, and a sterling example of the multicultural tolerance and cooperation that make the city great.

Lois De Domenico was the wife of a guy who ran a pasta company with his brother. In the 1940s they lived in a small apartment in the Mission, where they shared kitchen privileges with their landlady. One day the landlady asked if Tom, her husband, could bring home some vermicelli from the factory. She had them break the pasta into rice-length pieces which she then sautéed along with rice and cooked in chicken stock.

This modified pilaf was delicious and the De Domenicos began developing a shelf-stable version for mass distribution. They also had a marketing strategy: they would come up with a catchy name and slogan and blanket grocery shelves with their product before the big guys like General Mills and Kraft could develop their own version. And they hired a local ad agency, McCann-Erickson, which came up with the slogan and the cable car motif.

The rest, of course, is history. At one time a third of all American households ate Rice-A-Roni, and generations grew up with the jingle embedded in their heads. In the 1990s Quaker bought the brand, and immediately got rid of the San Francisco theme. A De Domenico relative told the Chronicle she believed they did it because San Francisco had a national image as a place that was just a little too racy for a family product. Of course, this bowdlerization didn’t last. Today the cable car is back, emblazoned on new flavors like Four Cheese Rice-A-Roni.

But we’re not done with this history, because where did that landlady get the idea of combining rice and pasta in pilaf? Dedicated readers of this site will recognize Armenian Pilaf, as did Brian B who won a box of Ghirardelli chocolates for identifying the connection. NPR’s Kitchen Sisters, with help from Lois De Domenico, located the grandson of Pailadzo Captanian. “Grandma Cap” had been deported as part of the Armenian Genocide in 1915, lost her husband and was separated from her children, trekked across Turkey and Syria and finally reached America where she would tell Lois stories of her struggles while they cooked together.

Grandma Cap’s pilaf is still a tradition in the Captanian family where Jacqueline, the wife of another grandson, is charged with making it for gatherings. The Kitchen Sisters shared her upgraded recipe which includes mushrooms (canned, of course), onion and a spoonful of pine nuts.

When the Kitchen Sisters recorded their episode in 2008, Lois De Domenico was still making pilaf the way Pailadzo Captanian had taught her. “I only lived there four months, but it was four months that brought all these things together: myself from Canada; Tommy, Italian; Mrs. Captanian, Armenian. All that converging in San Francisco in 1946, and out of that comes Rice-A-Roni.”

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Recipe: Maple Roasted Brussels Sprouts

Maple Brussels Sprouts

Maple Brussels Sprouts. The pepper rings were cooked in the same pan, for color and a bit of flavor.

Once you’ve tried Maple Roasted Brussels Sprouts, you’ll never make them any other way. The outer leaves crisp as they cook, for a crunchy treat that makes kale chips green with envy. We’ve seen some recipes that add bacon bits or nuts or, god forbid, dried cranberries. No need; the sprouts on their own have flavor aplenty and are a sturdy side dish for most any roasted meat or barbecue* main. Serves four.

Ingredients:
1 lb brussels sprouts, trimmed and halved top-to-bottom
2 T maple syrup (recommended) or honey or sorghum syrup
1 T bacon fat**
1 T olive oil**
2 T lemon juice
1/2 t Kosher salt

Method: preheat oven to 400 degrees. Toss trimmed brussels sprouts with other ingredients and spread on a cookie sheet lined with a Silicone baking mat or aluminum foil (to keep the sugar from sticking to the pan). Cook 20 minutes, remove from oven and turn the sprouts, return to oven and cook another 20 minutes or until crisp but not burned. Serve hot or at room temperature.

*Yes, you could try cooking these on your grill or in your smoker in a perforated pan. But watch the heat so the maple sugar doesn’t caramelize and stick to the metal.
**Or use 2 T olive oil and a bit more salt.

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Recipe: Bacon Fat

Bacon Fat

A nice jar of Bacon Fat

Many dishes (especially beans) benefit from a tablespoon or two of Bacon Fat, aka Bacon Grease. But, like pita, bacon fat is one of those ubiquitous ingredients it’s hard to find a recipe for. Problem solved. Makes 4 T, which is just about the right amount to add to a pot of Snow’s style beans.

Ingredients:
4 strips pork bacon (cured or “uncured” but not turkey or other fake bacon, please)

Makin Bacon Fat

Makin’ bacon fat

Method: arrange bacon strips in COLD skillet so each strip has maximum contact with the surface. You might need to cut them in half in the middle to make them fit. Cook over LOW HEAT until fat begins to render then flip to expose the other side to heat. Once a good amount of fat has rendered, turn up the heat slightly. Continue to cook, turning occasionally, until the bacon has a uniformly crispy surface.

Bacon Ends and Pieces

If you’re not going to serve the bacon as bacon, ends and pieces can be had for half the price.

When most of the fat has rendered out and the bacon strips have been reduced by about 75%, transfer them to a paper towel to drain. Cool the fat slightly then pour into a jar you’ve reserved for bacon fat. As a rule of thumb, 1 strip of bacon will produce about 1 T bacon grease. Refrigerate between uses.

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Why whiskey? Why, indeed…

Tom Fischer

Tom Fischer with his whiskeys.

Tom Fischer has one of those jobs that sounds fabulous but is no doubt exhausting in real life. As proprietor of Bourbon Blog, he travels the world making contacts with the distillers and distributors of rare spirits in order to match them up with well-heeled consumers who will enjoy those spirits. I caught up with him at the recent International Restaurant Show, where he was running a workshop called “Why Whiskey?” for folks looking to add a Whiskey Program to their venues.

Over 90 minutes we tasted 8 whiskeys, none of which costs less than $100 at retail which means you are going to be paying close to $20 for your pour at the bar. I tend to Islay single malts which are laid up for 20 years or more. These were all younger, some as young as 2 ½ years, and featured some imaginative aging strategies including a bourbon that is aged on a boat so the waves rock the whisky in the barrel and give it more contact with the charred surface of the wood (Jefferson’s Ocean) and another that spends time in barrels used to age maple syrup (Hudson Maple Cask Rye). Every one was a treat to sample and contemplate.

Why Whiskey Samples

My whisky samples and scoresheet

I learned that you should move your nose left and right while evaluating the initial aroma, like a dog investigating a fresh scat; our scent sensitivity differs slightly from nostril to nostril. Then hold the first sip in your mouth for the same number of seconds as the age of the bottle in years, swilling it to hit all the taste and olfactory sensors; this is called the “Kentucky chew”. Now power that baby down the gullet, and repeat.

Before leaving, I asked Tom what he recommended in a cheap everyday bourbon. He did not hesitate: Four Roses. I picked up a bottle to compare to my usual, Evan Williams. The flavor profiles were close together though Williams has a raw note I happen to like. Can’t go wrong with either, while you are saving up for the good stuff.

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The CVS diet

CVS Food Groups

Food groups available for shopping at CVS.com

My family’s prescriptions are at our local CVS store so we are in and out of there on a regular basis. It has always fascinated me that this drugstore chain maintains a well-stocked packaged food department. I never thought of the place I get my Gas-X and teeth whitening strips as a destination for one-stop shopping, but obviously others disagree.

So, finally I spent some time roaming my local store and contemplating how one could do a week’s food purchases without ever going to any store other than CVS. And guess what? They have fresh milk and butter. A smattering of deli meat products including mini-packages of Nathan’s franks. There’s lots of heat-and-serve entrees in the frozen foods case. And, of course, you will not go lacking for beer, soda or chips.

CVS Canned Vegetables

The soup/veg shelves at my CVS. Actually I see some green beans lurking behind the niblets, so maybe I’m being unfair

The grocery aisle, however, is where the dream dies. There are soups but no vegetables other than some cans of black beans and corn kernels. (And no frozen veggies either.) Some prescription drugs (especially the ones the folks around the pharmacy window seem to clamor for, claiming that surely their script is due for a refill) are said to be constipating. If you’re in search of iron and fiber, you’ll have to look to the pharmacy department.

A few tubs of processed cole slaw in the cold case might have caused me to actually give this diet a try. As it is, I’m on my way back to the supermarket. Sorry, CVS.

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