The ultimate In-N-Out cheeseburger

The ultimate In-N-Out cheeseburger is at left.

To experience the ultimate In-N-Out cheeseburger you need to eat in the facility, vs. ordering to go. The public space is jammed, seating on hard plastic benches is uncomfortable and you have to wait for a table. But the presentation of the food makes it all worthwhile. How come?

For one thing, you will experience your meal as its best self—sizzling patty fresh from the griddle, just-melted cheese, a perfectly toasted bun and the shock of chilled lettuce, tomato and condiments. You will also get to appreciate the artistry of your Burger Chef (remember that video game?) who wraps the burger in paper with its best side showing and then poses it at just the right angle for maximum impact on your first encounter.

I got to eat at the Fisherman’s Wharf In-N-Out multiple times on an extended stay in San Francisco. On my last day I was served the duo of cheeseburgers you see here. You know my order: “double raw onions, mustard instead of sauce, pickles”.  When the store first opened 10 years ago or so, execution was wrong more often than it was right. But thanks to modern point-of-sale software, the kitchen now rarely makes a mistake.

This formula is my attempt to recreate the burgers of my youth in Dallas, specifically at Jack’s Burger House by SMU. In the south we always had mustard; I can’t remember a burger in Dallas without it. Thousand Island dressing, aka “sauce”, is simply ketchup mixed with mayo and a bit of relish, in other words a lazy person’s condiment. Replacing it with God’s honest yellow mustard is a no-brainer.

“Pickles” are also a logical mod because why aren’t they there in the first place? Maybe because we are supposed to be satisfied with the flecks of vegetable in our “sauce”. There appears to be a “pickles” key on the register, making it a popular addition.

Almost the ultimate In-N-Out cheeseburger.

But “extra raw onions” is, I admit, open to discussion and interpretation. A thin slice of onion is omnipresent on a Texas burger; you have to ask if you want it removed. Same with the stock In-N-Out burger, but I worry the slice will be too thin hence “extra”.

Which brings me to the pairing you see here. In-N-Out chefs prep their orders one at a time, according to the ticket. There is zero chance the burgers were prepared by two different people. Yet notice how different they are.

The burger on the right in the feature shot, and shown above, is pretty fine. Notice the way the melted cheese coats the patty, and the just-right bit of char on the toasted bun. You can’t see the second onion slice but it’s there, nestled under the first slice at the bottom.

Ultimate In-N-Out cheeseburger.

But this is the burger that steals my heart, with THREE raw onion slices, oh my. (In fact, looking at the picture now there may even be a fourth slice, in the shadows at the very top.) You can also see the mustard oozing out at right below the bottom slice. This is key to the ultimate In-N-Out experience: something magical happens when the onion juice mingles with the tart vinegar in the yellow mustard. (There’s mustard at the bottom in the other burger as well, if you look closely.)

I can’t imagine what whimsey caused the cook to produce two so different burgers side by side, but I’m glad he did.